I am really missing my community connections. At the same time, I’m not the kind of person who attends many large events. I seldom go to malls, concerts, or sporting events.  What I miss is choosing what I want to do and when. The gravity of this pandemic requires everyone to participate and protect one another. Intellectually, I know this. But emotionally, I am growing weary.  My daily routines are less interesting. I’m practicing what I preach as a therapist and nurse, so why am I feeling down? Why am I feeling under? More importantly, how do we thrive during this next phase of COVID19? I’ve been surviving, but I want to move past surviving and actually thrive during this next wave of potential COVID losses and lockdowns.

The song by the Rolling Stones, “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone,”  rings in my ear. The phrase in the song I will focus on now is, “but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.”  Full lyrics found here.

What do I need? What’s missing? I have loving friends and family. I have a great job. My home is my sanctuary. Still, this virus I refer to as Slender Man (a fictional, supernatural scary dude) is unnerving me.

My friend, June Marie, and I talked on the phone the other day, and I asked her about her experience with the continued COVID lockdown.  She said her biggest struggle is loneliness. June Marie said she has a great life and home but needs to get out of her house. She’s not an avid outdoor enthusiast like many of her ski town friends. At the same time, she loves walking in her neighborhood, volunteering,  meeting friends for lunch, and perusing the local stores’ sales rack. June Marie states, “I enjoy sharing a meal with a few friends and found the summer outdoor dining worked well for us. With outdoor dining not an option during the winter, she laments, ” I am worried I won’t have many options for leaving my house this winter.”

June Marie kindly agreed to put her thoughts into words and talk about how she will thrive during this next social isolation phase. Here’s what June Marie has to say.

What does one do with this? 

It is a strange time. Historically unprecedented. Isolation from others. The world turned upside down. News that keeps getting bleaker and bleaker. This is the challenge of our lifetimes. Keep in mind; other generations have had their challenges.  Please think of the WWII generation….their lives were turned upsidedown in a way we can’t even imagine.

The good news is that there’s a promising vaccine on the horizon.  Soak that in.  Isn’t that wonderful?  Until general distribution, however, maybe March, we will have to make the best of things.

My go-to when times get tough is finding the blessings in what currently feels disorienting and a hardship.  I get creative. The arts are my refuge. I love music, painting, and reading fiction. I garden, knit, and laugh a lot. I sing and play the piano. And, I hope to inspire you to turn your concerns and negative energy into innovation and adaptation.

I live in Park City, Utah.  It’s uniquely equipped to afford us many opportunities for innovation and adapting to change. The four seasons in this arid mountain community teach us adaptation.  We learn to dress, play, and plan for extreme weather changes. Mother Nature is an excellent teacher.  Many live in this ski town because they love being active in the outdoors.  What a perfect time to engage in the nature surrounding us, gulping in the fresh air, seeing others doing the same around us.  For many here, this is the easy part. I live in a town of high functioning and high performing people.

But what of the missing social contact?  It is difficult for extroverts and those who don’t engage in an outdoor activity as readily.  What can we do?

Again, think of what many of us are getting, rather than missing.  Time.  Time to think.  Time to call old friends or family.  Time to write letters that we would never have written in other circumstances.  Perhaps time to keep a journal and write about the historical events happening to you.

I have a friend whose mother in lockdown in another state.  It is heartbreaking.  But she has adapted.  With the help of “Alexa,” they are connected every day.   She reads books to her that they can discuss, plays piano for her, sings to her.  Not perfect, but creative.

And what about social contact?  Again, we here in Park City should be uniquely equipped to approach this, as we are a world-class dining hub.  We want to support our restaurants, and curbside dining is great.  But many of us miss the social part of the dining and don’t feel comfortable with inside dining.

Think about it.  We can use the outdoors because we know how to dress for the cold as skiers, hikers, and snowshoers.  Why can’t we continue outdoor dining?  We are “ski tough.” Restaurants have heaters.  We can continue our social distancing as good citizens and still enjoy ourselves with food, each other AND support our world-class restaurants.

A friend and I tried this the other evening.  It was cold, but we asked to be seated outdoors.  We had layers, she had a blanket, and the waiter put on heaters for us.  We were the only ones outside dining, but we had a lovely and relatively risk-free time.

Park City and its residents could set an innovative example this winter for the rest of the country and the world.  Let’s take outdoor socializing to a new, creative level!

“There’s no such thing as bad weather, only unsuitable clothing.” ~ Alfred Wainwright.

Thank you, my dear friend, for offering up a Tip from the Trail: dress warm, bring blankets, and turn on the heaters.  Peace, love, health, and hope to you and yours!

Mental health counseling has come a long way since Freud. Unlike the psychoanalytic therapists in the old days, this therapist is looking at his client. Freud sat behind his patients smoking cigarettes. Eye contact wasn’t part of the psychoanalytic process at that time in history. The therapist was considered a blank slate or sounding board. After the client talked and talked to the therapist behind their head, they’d finally hear, “well, let me tell you what I think.” The therapist interpreted what the client told them about their lives and current struggles. Talk therapy is still popular and works for many people. Times have changed, and so has mental health care counseling.

The blank slate approach doesn’t create a safe space for self-disclosure for many of us. I think it helps to know that our therapists suffer from the same “human condition.” That doesn’t mean I need to know everything about my therapist’s personal life, but I want to know they have experienced stressors and other traumatic life events. A relationship with a therapist is unique. It’s the most essential part of the therapy experience. We want to feel safe, understood and, at the same time, challenged. 

Turning the mirror towards ourselves and looking at how we show up in our lives is hard. Finding the right therapist to facilitate your journey is vital.

Before you choose a therapist, do some investigating. What kind of therapy do they practice? What type of issues does the therapist typically treat?

Then, meet with a couple of therapists you’ve reviewed online. The client-therapist relationship is the key to a successful therapy experience. Connecting with someone you trust and feel safe with is where it all starts. Once that connection is established, the work begins.

See this site for details about choosing the right therapist for you.

What does it mean to be emotionally well? It means functioning in and interacting with the world. Can you carry on day after day, interacting with others while at the same time dealing with stress, conflict, or problems? Here are some additional questions to ask yourself about your mental health.

1. Can you make and maintain relationships with your peers?
2. Are you functioning well and feeling satisfied with your work or school performance?
3. Can you be humorous?
4. Are you able to adapt and change when necessary?
5. Do you like yourself?
6. Can you identify your strengths and weaknesses?
7. Can you deal with conflict?
8. Do you have a variety of coping strategies to draw on when you’re stressed?
9. Can you accept responsibility for your actions?
10. Can you problem-solve?
11. Are you able to reason and think clearly?
12. Do you have insight into what’s happening to you or around you?
13. Are you able to make judgments about your choices and what is best for a situation?
14. Have you contemplated questions about the purpose of life?
15. Do you have self-control over your emotions and behavior?

Mental wellness is a dynamic process, just like our physical health. We all move in and out and along a continuum of both mental and physical wellness. Accessing support for our emotional health is becoming more acceptable. It’s about time, wouldn’t you say? The adage, “pull yourself up by your bootstraps”, is just that, outdated thinking. Trailtalk hopes everyone will seek out emotional support when they need it. That is taking action and responsibility for our life journey. 

Check out this website to learn more about mental health.

Peace and good health to you and yours, The Emotional Sherpa.