To Tell the Truth: Who’s behind your door #1?
Who’s behind your door #1?
Many of us put on a FALSE self. We say and do things to fit in and make others happy. We’re laid back, say we don’t care and feel more comfortable not rocking the boat. We wear the mask of the day; easily changing our opinion, accepting others’ viewpoints, or falling into step with the group-think. We keep our real thoughts and beliefs to ourselves. It’s easier that way. Less drama. The fact is, it’s really tough being something or someone we aren’t. It’s exhausting not being our genuine selves.
This false self forms at a young age when some of us decide who we are are not OK. Maybe we heard, or sensed being smart, useful, good, funny, pretty, or even bad was important. When we mirrored those behaviors, we received an extra measure of love and attention. Over time, we lost touch with who we were, and what we wanted in life.
“Well, if I’m not this false person, then who am I?” Good question. That’s the start of the journey right there: recognizing when you hide behind masks, renouncing your patterns of conformity, and rebuilding your way of being with yourself and others.
Here are a few Tips from the Trail to start this most fantastic journey.
1. Schedule time to start a simple journal about who you are and what you like. Write some basic things you know about yourself. For example:
- I am a mother, father, sister, aunt (relationship roles)
- I am a (what I do for hobbies, sports, fun, activities)
- I am (your attributes, your values — kind, honest)
Notice if you default to, “I don’t care, or have a strong opinion either way” thoughts.
2. Notice, without beating up on yourself, when you feel the need to say, or do something you don’t want to do, or say. Start by recognizing your patterns.
3. Start saying NO. Practice saying no without justifying why you are saying no. “No, I can’t join that committee.” “No, I am going to pass on that event.” We feel obligated to explain ourselves. It’s your choice, and you don’t need to justify your every move. It’s challenging to permit ourselves to do what we want.
This is just the tip of the iceberg. Getting back to the TRUE you takes time and patience. Contact us if you want professional support navigating this part of your journey.
Happy trails, Allison